Revelations....

Figured out some pretty big (and maybe a little abstract) ideas this week. I've been doing some much needed mulling over my situation with ADAM and I am coming closer and closer to the PERMANENT decision that I need to walk away. 

I was just sitting in the park one night, watching a little league game when it hit me: 

1.) NOTHING should be this hard.
2.) The situation is ridiculously complicated.
3.) I am the one (again) who is putting forth all of the effort without getting anything in return.


I really needed ADAM this week. As a friend. But because of all of this nonsense, I didn't even let him know. I've been in the background quietly licking my wounds so that I could make his life easier. I can't believe that I've totally neglected myself for him! That's sooooo incredibly stupid that I'll just move on. 


ADAM tells me that he's headed to Rutgers this weekend to see his ex. How do I feel about it? Fine. I saw it coming. I'm not stupid. I just think it'll play out one of two ways:


1.) He'll go to Jersey and get some p*ssy. Fall back in love (i.e, lust) and try to rekindle their relationship. (Which in my opinion will only last for a short time, since it's obvious to everyone in a group setting that she no longer has those feelings for him. Thus, leading him back into heartbreak and fragility.)


OR


2.) One of the guys she's messing with now will somehow interrupt their weekend, causing an argument large enough to snap them both back to reality. Hopefully then, they'll see what's really going on and give it up.


Either way, something inside tells me that this will NOT be my favorite weekend. I can just see myself crying over a glass of wine now: Amanda at my side, telling me that he's confused and that it'll take time. But I know the truth...